


breathe in, breathe out

by Hazazel



Series: youtuber AU [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, POV Second Person, Youtuber AU, but everything turns out ok, oikawa is a lil stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-26 23:07:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13867917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hazazel/pseuds/Hazazel
Summary: Breathe in, breathe out. Make sure your cheeks are dry without messing up your foundation – hey, you have foundation on, what could go wrong ? Turn on the camera. Smile.Oikawa kind of messed up, but there's always an opportunity to make things right





	breathe in, breathe out

**Author's Note:**

> This is the beginning of a youtube AU i've been planning for Actual Years, can you believe that. More to come ! I hope you enjoy

Breathe in, breathe out. Make sure your cheeks are dry without messing up your foundation – hey, you have foundation on, what could go wrong ? Turn on the camera. Smile.

“Hello guys ! I hope everyone is doing ok ! As you probably have guessed from the title of this video, I'll be doing something a bit different this time…”

That's- that's good, you're doing good, your voice isn't quivering as much as it did ten minutes ago so you probably won't have to make another take. Kenma needs their camera anyway. This is the intro you had planned for the _actual_ video and it's not hard picturing Iwa-chan sitting by your side, cheeks lightly flushed like every time he has to show his face on camera, but looking at you like he's proud of you and can stand being called “gruff” and then having to apply your eyeliner.

“I've been tagged by Tetsu and Daichi to do the 'Boyfriend does my make up challenge', and a lot of you requested this, but as you can see, I'm currently lacking the two main things – make up and a boyfriend, so… it'll be for another time, I guess !”

Smile, you can do it, you smile all the time anyway, it's not like they'll notice anything. That's a lie, you know some will – those who have been following you from the start, when your youtube channel was named after a volleyball player and you couldn't decide what was better between a perfect jump serve and sales on the latest eyeshadow palette. The comments will come, and you'll deal with it later – you'll deal with everything, just, not now. You can hear it from here, “We were sure you'd do the challenge with Iwaizumi, though !” and yeah, you were sure too. You hear it loud and clear. “We can 'do it as best friends' ?! Fuck you, Oikawa, go find an _actual_ boyfriend to fuck around with.”

You can't say Hajime isn't right this time – maybe that's why you've been holed up at Kenma's for three days.

“This video is more of a vlog actually, because I haven't kept you updated in a long time and I know you like to snoop – looking at you, Tobio-chan ! So, first of all, no, this is not my new background, or my new camera – I'm filming from a friend's house but they refused to come and say hello-”

Kenma didn't let you say anything, didn't wait for excuses and lame greetings – you only had to sob into the receiver and they were already telling you that yes, you could come, no, they wouldn't call Kuroo, and hanging up in the middle of your “true friendship” speech. You stole it from Shouyou anyway. You're not really good at this, the whole 'being a good friend' thing, if even Kenma beats you at this game.

“I don't know when I'll be able to come back home, which means I can't film the videos I had planned – it's been a while since I last did a vlog, wow, look at me getting all rambly !”

You're _always_ rambly – it's a thing Hajime often complains about, “Shut your mouth Shittykawa” should be tattooed on his forehead on something. You're always bothering him, talking and talking and leaning on his arm, sitting on his lap, stealing bites from his chopsticks – flinching every time deadpans when you sarcastically comment on “cute couply things” in the sappy romcoms Iwa-chan loves to tell people are yours. It's as if you like walking on that thin rope, toeing the line between love and friendship without-

as if you weren't _already_ _in love_ -

“There wasn't actually much to say, I just wanted to warn you about the messed up video calendar, so, I guess I'll just stop the video here ? Thanks for putting up with me, everyone ! Have a good day, and I hope we'll see each other soon !”

A peace sign – see, it's easy, just as usual, and who cares if you don't smile as bright, it's all fake anyway – and you stop the video. Kenma takes the time to make a disgusted face at you from where they're standing on the doorstep, and they wave a mug of tea. Kenma always knows what to do. You wish you were as straightforward – thinking a mile a minute, your head full of “what if”, labelling things as inappropriate if you have so much as the tiniest doubt about the outcome. Of all the traits you do share with Tobio, it had to be this one.

“Thanks, Ken-chan. Don't worry abut me too much, ok ? It'll be all right.”

“Don't worry too much, Kenma, it's not your job”, you want to say that but the words clog in your throat – it's Iwaizumi who worries for you, he always does, like the good mum friend he is, and you wonder when you started wanting more than that, more than just being his annoying best friend, when you would start hanging all over him so much people didn't think twice before assuming you were dating – never denying it when asked, never actually stating it either. It'll be all right, you'll be all right.

“Don't lie,” Kenma says.

You wonder why you never said anything when you're so sure he loved you too. It doesn't matter anymore, you suppose, Iwa-chan being angry at you and everything. To be honest, you wonder why he even bothered staying with you this long – after all, Makki and Mattsun opened their channel for you, and it's not like you were ever that deep in the closet anyway – so why put a shiny “no homo” label on everything you did with him ? When it so very obviously was “all homo” and every single rainbow thing that could fit in between.

“Really, Kenma. I'll – I'll call Hajime and we'll sort this out.”

No you won't, not soon at least, you'll probably crash at your sister's house for a while – it's been _ages_ since you last saw Takeru – you know she won't let Iwaizumi in if you tell her you _really_ don't want to. What would you say to him anyway. “I'm sorry, Iwa-chan, I've been in love with you for years but I didn't do anything because I thought you loving me back was enough” ? Yeah, right.

You even kissed him one day, and _god_ didn't that feel _amazing_ , supernovas and hot chocolate and the soothing brush of his fingers on your cheek – fuck, he had looked so _genuinely_ _happy_ , and you _had_ to ruin it – god, you're stupid.

“Don't lie, Tooru,” says Kenma again and you know you're lucky they're feeling good enough to talk to you today, “let me film.”

It's been ten minutes and your video has 500 views already. Your fans are reactive, you can't deny that, it's probably one of the best part of having them – they know you, and they expect a lot, but you know what they want and you can give it to them. Predictable, easy, safe. It's not like having friends, though you can't deny some _are_ your friends – aren't you glad, you at least got this part right.

_[volleyball-tobio – 2 minutes ago]_

_Oikawa-san, is everything ok ? Is Iwaizumi-san all right ? Tell K we say hi_

Oh, you see, half of the views must be Tobio clicking on the repeat button with an increasingly frowning face. And Shouyou hopping up and down behind him, and they're probably weirdly in sync with that ease only people who hang out a lot can achieve – you know this because you feel it too, and noticing for the first time wreaked havoc on your mind. They're probably worried, _actual_ worry, because you tend to cause that in people, and it makes you cringe. You should call your sister, now – the phone beeps madly as soon as you turn it on, fifty seven texts, a hundred and five missed calls, Hajime must be losing his shit.

There's a call, right now, as you turn the phone on, you try debating whether or not you're going to answer but your fingers move without your consent and you can hear Iwaizumi’s voice shouting from the speaker.

“Oikawa ! Where the hell are you ? Don't turn off your phone like that, I've been trying to call you for days !”

It's so – it's so _familiar_ , like you never even left, like you can still come back and find the door open and Hajime glaring daggers at you from the couch if he finds you in too short shorts when it's still cold outside – your shoulders sag in sheer relief. No matter what, at least Iwa-chan doesn't hate you – you're not sure he can, you're not sure he ever did anything but love you, maybe that's why it's so easy to just close your eyes, shut your mouth and love him back. Or maybe you're just a coward and that's the reason why you're not enough, why your throat clogs with tears when you haven't even said anything.

“Tooru… I was worried.”

Yeah, he always is – you don't realise you said it aloud, and how fond it sounded, until you hear Hajime chuckle and fuck that, how did you ever think not talking about it was the good solution – you're a hopeless romantic if you think falling in love is like a puzzle falling into place, you have to glue the pieces in yourself and work your ass off to find the one that got lost under the weight of everything – you're in love with him, you love him _so much_ , and you want to come home.

“Come home, then. Come back,” and Hajime hangs up.

Kenma makes another face when you kiss the top of their head but you can see them smile. You almost fly to your house – is this it ? Is it that easy ? There has to be a trap, a rusty cog somewhere to make it all fall on your head again, maybe Hajime won't – _no_ – you're at the door and you've stopped running for a while but you're still out of breath, you're out of your mind, _why did you come back_ -

“Tooru ? Why are you still at the door, did you forget your keys ?”

You don't even _think_ – Hajime with light shining around him from the tiny dirty kitchen window, so beautiful – you kiss him, and the press of your lips on his makes you feel like you are born all over again. It only lasts a few seconds, before Hajime yanks you in and starts wrestling you onto the couch, “You're so stupid” merging with “I love you, you big idiot” – and you see yourself doing this every day.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Please don't forget to leave comments and kudos, it's really awful to post things and have 0 feedback.


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